Thoughts beyond the time of my Troll’s cycles.
Two years had passed since I wrote my last thoughts in this blog when the beginning of the end started and the conclusion of all periods had begun, disrupting what I was abruptly and creating this new era through a predestined force of change that was superior to my awareness. Six years ago, my blog came to life showing my necessity to express what I felt facing this life. It was a combination of reflexions about what I’ve learned thinking beyond the norm, my devilry that was fed by my inner rebellion and the dream that I never dreamed, the fantasy which has been part of me since I have memory.
But always an action had been constant, I was looking for something and such exploration became so intense that made me built and destroy what I created towards finding that element. Until one day my objectivity ruled over everything else and I decided to be happy enjoying what I got. Maturity and stability were perfect excuses to do it. After all, I ended being like everyone else with only killing all doubts. Besides, I’d learned how to be very perseverant even achieving things just because I must, not because I wanted.
I enjoyed a simple life forgetting what my mentors taught me in their books, just working hard and earning more money every time, buying a car, having a cat, taking a mortgage on a roof, eating expensive food and spending my free time on vacations somewhere. Love was defined based on what I lived and marriage the result. I was living the dream that everyone else has to dream, but I was not happy, neither my wife and nor my cat. I blamed myself for my sadness using a wide range of ideas like my bitter past, the words out of this world from my mentors or the extra work that I made during four years with my inner self. The truth was above such things, it was in my dream within my heart, in the fantasy that always was part of me, where the happiness was waiting for me after I deserved it. The Troll was right and he always was, his wishes were to be loved truly for what he is and the place that he wanted to live. The troll and the light of the sun were in my case faces of the same spark.